7 Things to NEVER Say to a Pregnant Woman

If you are pregnant, or have ever been pregnant…chances are someone has said something to you along the way that made you cock your head to the side, and in your head (or out loud for that matter…) say, “REALLY? Did you REALLY just say that to me just now?” It wasn’t until I became pregnant that I became truly shocked at what kinds of questions people will ask you, or comments that they make along the way. Most of the things people say are truly well-intentioned…I get that. Believe me. But when hormones are raging, and you already feel like a beached whale with legs… the things people say to you definitely annoy/frustrate/enrage you much more.

Take my advice: if you come in contact with a pregnant friend, family member, or even stranger…here are some things you should NEVER say to them.

1. “Was it planned?”

Yes. People REALLY ask this question. In fact, A LOT of people ask this question. I never expected that when Bryce and I first shared that we were pregnant that so many people would feel the need to know if we had planned it. The first couple of times people asked, it really caught us off guard. But it didn’t take long for us to come up with a standard response to people’s desire to know if they should reconsider their methods of birth control or celebrate our good luck. “God has really blessed us with this baby!” Yes…it totally feels like a Trump-esque question evasion tactic…but frankly it is. Because, respectfully… it’s none of your business.

When you find out someone is pregnant, say instead: “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!”

2. “Want some gum, chubby?”

A sweet older man at my husband’s church asked me this when we were visiting at Christmas. I had been to six or seven different family Christmas celebrations in one week, and I took advantage of all the food options at each one: Polish kielbasa and pierogies, pizza, oreo balls, pot roast, lemon cake, quiche, and so much Christmas candy. I was definitely feeling the chub already that day…and then this man kindly offered me some gum, tacking on the “chubby” at the end of his question. When he said this to me, Bryce grabbed my leg and looked at me in the eyes shaking his head, silently telling me that it wasn’t true (such a great husband!!!) That hasn’t been the only time someone has made a comment about my weight, or my size, or my cheeks. And every time, my shaky self-esteem plummets. (Though personally…comments about the size of my growing baby bump haven’t bothered me.)

After asking my friends on Facebook to share what the most annoying things were that people said to them when they were pregnant, it was overwhelmingly something about their size:

• “You are huge!”
• “Are you sure it’s not twins?”
• “You look like a penguin waddling!”
• “I don’t remember you being that big with the last baby!”
• “You look like you’re about to pop!”
• “Have you gained any weight yet? You probably shouldn’t since you started out so big to begin with…”
• “It suits you, having a chubbier face.”
• “You’re so tiny! Are you sure your conception date is right? (Momma had gestational diabetes and couldn’t gain more weight)
• “Are you about to deliver?” (2 months after the baby was born)
• “When are you due?” (At the pharmacy picking up medicine the week after baby was born)
• “How far along are you?” (Shopping after the baby was born)
• “Don’t worry, you’ll lose the baby weight soon.” (While holding her adopted baby at the mall)

Can all of us ladies just come together and please beg of you to not make comments about our size? Go ahead and think it in your head all you want. We probably are too, to be completely honest. We’re emotional and hormonal…and frankly…we may not even be pregnant, may not ever have been pregnant, or we may have been pregnant and lost our baby. Unless you truly have a trusting relationship with us, it’s probably not a great idea to make a comment about our size.

Say instead: “You look great!” (Or some other genuine compliment)

3. “My labor was 97 hours long…but you’ll probably be okay.”

There are so many well-meaning moms out there who really want to help. They really do. And they will tell you with all good intention, about that one time when they were in labor for 97 hours and ended up giving birth to a flesh-eating T-Rex instead of a 7 pound human. I have a close-knit group of girls that I can go to when I have questions….and they happily answer them for me on a regular basis. But your birthing horror stories are frankly not welcome. I’m already scared of that day enough…I do NOT need anything else to worry about. I do NOT need another reason to get on Web MD.

Say instead: “If you have any questions, I’d be happy to answer them based off of my own experience.”

4. “How excited are you?!”

Right now…maybe I’m not excited. Maybe I’m completely over-whelmed, uncomfortable, emotional, afraid, or completely depressed. Not all pregnant women are excited the whole time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that I get to be a mom so soon…it’s something I’ve always wanted. But catch me on the wrong day, and this question is liable to send me into a fit of tears (and it has). There were some days in my first trimester that I was plagued with such incredible guilt for not feeling as excited as I thought I needed to. My best friend and I sat on the edge of my bed one day, and she said…”It’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling. At some points you are going to feel so excited…and other times you are not going to be excited at all. And that’s fine, and normal.” When I told her that I felt like a terrible mom already, she reassured me that my hormone induced feelings were no indication of my abilities as a mother. We go through a whirlwind of emotions and feelings, and just because the miracle of life is just that…a miracle…it doesn’t mean we’re completely overwhelmed by it all.

Say instead: “How are you feeling?”

5. “That acne on your face means you’re having a girl.”

Thanks for noticing the pus-filled polka dots on my face, and calling them to my attention. For some reason, people like to make observations about our pregnant bodies, and give us their gender predictions more frequently than you would expect. We’re so conscious about our changing bodies, and we don’t feel like ourselves as it is. Pointing out our acne, stretch marks, excessive sweating, weight gain, swelling, clumsiness, paleness, or other pregnancy symptoms don’t help anything. It’s not going to tell you if I’m having a boy or a girl. It’s not going to do anything, except make me question showing my face in public today. If you notice something different about our bodies…it’s probably because there’s lots of things that are different about our bodies. It’s probably because we’re pregnant. We thank you in advance for not bringing attention to it.

Say instead: Nothing.

6. (Nothing)….*Stares at stomach*

I know you’re wondering if there’s a human in there…or if I just got back from a trip to Krispy Kreme. Let me go ahead and clear this up for you. It’s actually both. Keep it courteous, people…just look in our eyes.

Say instead: Nothing…*Don’t stare at stomach*

7. “Are you making sure to eat your veggies?”

Not today I’m not. Nope. But thanks for asking. This third McDonalds double cheeseburger of the week sure is hitting the spot right now though. Trust me…I know that my baby needs lots of healthy foods to grow big and strong. I also know that I haven’t stopped thinking about a 50 lb. cheeseburger all day long, and that I won’t stop thinking about it until I get a bite of some cheese and beef. I’m taking my prenatal vitamins, and I’m eating as much healthy stuff as I can. But there are just some days where Aldi brand Captain Crunch is the only thing that’s going to cut it. And frankly…I’m really proud of myself for drinking Caffiene Free Coca-Cola instead of the regular stuff. Can we just celebrate that major accomplishment for a second? If you didn’t talk to me about my eating habits before I was pregnant, please don’t ask me about them now.

Say instead: Want to go out to eat? Your choice…and I’ll buy!

As one friend so eloquently put it…these “keep-your-mouth-shut-comments” are really just so unwelcome. They are the quickest way to keep us up at night thinking about our weight, health, attractiveness, abilities as mothers, and that dreaded day where we have to painfully push out a living, breathing human being. Although you may have the best intentions in the whole world…I advise you to really think before you say something to a pregnant woman…Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it kind? How is it going to benefit you, once you find out the answer? And please…if you are a stranger…then you REALLY don’t need to say anything at all, period.

Mommas…what other things should be on this list? Add your comments below!